Pregnancy Loss: Finding Support and Healing

"We shake with joy, we shake with grief. What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body." — Mary Oliver

This line resonates deeply with me, both personally and professionally. In supporting individuals and families through pregnancy and infant loss, I’ve witnessed how grief and hope often exist side by side. A heart may ache for a child who is gone, while at the same time holding hope. Hope for healing, for connection, or for the future. Grief doesn’t cancel out hope, and hope doesn’t erase grief.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Since 1988, October has been recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, honoring the many families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Each year on October 15th, families across the globe participate in the International Wave of Light by lighting candles at 7 p.m. local time, creating a continuous wave of remembrance that spans the world. 

Understanding Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Pregnancy and infant loss refers to the loss of a baby at any stage, including:

  • Miscarriage: Loss before 20 weeks of pregnancy.

  • Stillbirth: Loss at 20 weeks or later.

  • Infant loss: Death within the first year of life.


Loss is more common than many people realize:
 

  • Miscarriage: Happens in about 10–20% of recognized pregnancies (ACOG). Most (80%) occur in the first trimester.

  • Stillbirth: Affects about 1 in 175 pregnancies each year—around 21,000 babies lost annually in the U.S. (CDC).

  • Infant Loss: In 2022, the U.S. infant mortality rate was 5.61 infant deaths per 1,000 live births, with about 20,577 infants lost before their first birthday (PubMed)

These numbers remind us that while the experience may feel isolating, you are not alone and your grief is valid.

The Grief Process

If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, whether recent or many months ago, it’s understandable to feel a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, loneliness. Grief can surprise you: waves of sorrow may come in unexpected moments, even when things appear “normal” from the outside. There is no right way to grieve, no set timeline, and no requirement to “move on” by a certain date. Your feelings are real, valid, and worthy of care.

Pregnancy loss grief is layered and unique

  • Ambiguous grief: Early losses may not be acknowledged by others, but the internal experience is profound.

  • Mixed emotions: Hope, longing, guilt, and love can all exist at once.

  • Triggers: Anniversaries, due dates, or seeing others’ pregnancies can bring back memories and pain.

  • Physical & relational impacts: Hormonal shifts, sleep disruptions, and strain on relationships are common.

  • Individual differences: Cultural, spiritual, and personal factors shape how grief is expressed.

Finding Support and Healing

Everyone grieves differently. What helps one person may not help another, but these approaches can provide support:

  • Professional help: Therapists or social workers experienced in perinatal loss

  • Support groups: In-person or online communities of shared experience

  • Rituals and remembrance: Lighting a candle, planting a tree, writing letters, or creating memorials

  • Self-care and boundaries: Sleep, nourishment, gentle movement, rest, and saying “no” when needed

  • Education and advocacy: Learning about pregnancy loss and raising awareness can help reduce stigma

Resources

  • March of Dimes: Miscarriage, stillbirth, and support information.

  • NICHD: Research and fact sheets on causes and risks.

  • Empty arms Bereavement:  Provides virtual support groups for parents who have experienced pregnancy, birth, or infancy loss, including options for fathers.

  • Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS): A community and non-profit organization for mothers experiencing pregnancy after a previous loss.

  • Postpartum Support International: Provides peer support, education, and resources to individuals and families affected by perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). PSI offers free, virtual support groups for various needs such as pregnancy and infant loss. 

  • Newton Wellesley Hospital - HEAL Program: Provides resources and support for families dealing with loss.

Grieving a perinatal loss takes time, patience, and compassion. Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it,” but learning to carry your loss while honoring what was lost and what remains. You deserve a space where your grief is recognized and your journey forward is supported. Healing is possible, one gentle step at a time.

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How Therapy Can Aid in Managing Postpartum Anxiety